Harvest Festival

No. 17 of 50 – In an effort to blend in with the other kids at school, I contributed to Harvest Festival. The problem was, everything in our kitchen cupboards was either industrial sized, foreign or both, like the tin of Bamboo Shoots I took in. It wasn’t until I saw it in assembly, displayed next to the other ‘normal’ items, that I realised just how much of a show I’d made of myself.


Second rate Bruce Lee

No.21 of 50 – Some drunk called my mum a chinky, so Uncle vaulted over the takeaway counter and chased him down the street with a meat cleaver. I can’t tell you how smug I felt having a real life Bruce Lee in the family.

The old lady next door

No.16 of 50 – Mrs. Burke lived in the terraced house next door, in between us and the Indian convenience store. I used to have to take a carton of deep fried chicken leg and a tomato round for her every Sunday. It was my parents’ way of apologising for the drunken weekend thugs having fights in our shop after pub closing time.

Old lady next door

Hamster trauma

No.10 of 50 – This is the moment my sister hoovered the up the hamster. Rather than clean out the cage properly, she resorted to taking the brush attachment off and stuck the nozzle down the hatch. Did the hamster survive the ordeal? Ha! You’ll have to read the book!