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Author Sue No.25 of 50 – I think Dad felt guilty for losing the hamster, so he drove us to the farm and before we knew it, we were shoving two goats into the back of the car. Apparently they were going to be our new pets/lawnmower.
Author Sue No. 24 of 50 – For some reason Dad decided to take my sister’s hamster for a walk in the garden. He seemed surprised when it ran off into the undergrowth and disappeared forever.
Author Sue No. 18 of 50 – I used to think that bullies were morons, then I learned that they actually hate themselves more than the people they’re bullying, and that’s really sad.
Author Sue No. 23 of 50 – on a rare family outing to McDonald’s, Mum suddenly felt compelled to put her bare foot on the table and told everyone to look at her bunion, then I remembered why we never went out.
Author Sue No. 22 of 50 – It got on my nerves when I got asked about Chinese New Year ’cause my source of information came from the same place as everybody else’s!
Author Sue No. 20 of 50 – I used to think that bullies were morons, then I learned that they actually hate themselves more than the people they’re bullying, and that’s really sad.
Author Sue No. 19 of 50 – Mum tried to marry me off to David Wong from Wong’s Garden. I was horrified ’cause he was a hideous pizza-faced twerp.
Author Sue No. 18 of 50 – Smiffy, my brother’s mate, had bright ginger hair and a ton of freckles. I don’t know if the word for freckles exists in Chinese, but Mum used to say Smiffy’s face was covered in ‘woo yin see’, which translated means ‘fly sh*t’. Mum was never one for tact.
Author Sue No. 17 of 50 – In an effort to blend in with the other kids at school, I contributed to Harvest Festival. The problem was, everything in our kitchen cupboards was either industrial sized, foreign or both, like the tin of Bamboo Shoots I took in. It wasn’t until I saw it in assembly, displayed next to the other ‘normal’ items, that I realised just how much of a show I’d made of myself.
Author Sue No.21 of 50 – Some drunk called my mum a chinky, so Uncle vaulted over the takeaway counter and chased him down the street with a meat cleaver. I can’t tell you how smug I felt having a real life Bruce Lee in the family.
©
2017 Sue Pickford.