Billy
No.33 of 50 – Billy the boy goat broke into the storage shed and ate half a sack of hops. They swelled in his stomach and made him burst in the night. The next morning we found him lying dead in his own mess. RIP you greedy sod.
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Author Sue Author Sue Baabara
No.32 of 50 – Mum caught Baarbara eating twenty quids worth of fivers out the till. She’d inadvertently put her hoof on the button that opened it, and of course being a goat, she had to scoff the contents. She didn’t touch the coins though. She obviously has expensive taste.
Author Sue Goatyback
No.30 of 50 – Dad treated the goat kids better than his own kids – he even gave them piggybacks (or goatybacks I guess in this case) up and down the garden!
Author Sue Goats in the car
No.25 of 50 – I think Dad felt guilty for losing the hamster, so he drove us to the farm and before we knew it, we were shoving two goats into the back of the car. Apparently they were going to be our new pets/lawnmower.
Author Sue Hamster walk
No. 24 of 50 – For some reason Dad decided to take my sister’s hamster for a walk in the garden. He seemed surprised when it ran off into the undergrowth and disappeared forever.
Author Sue Chinese New Year
No. 22 of 50 – It got on my nerves when I got asked about Chinese New Year ’cause my source of information came from the same place as everybody else’s!
Author Sue Bullies
No. 20 of 50 – I used to think that bullies were morons, then I learned that they actually hate themselves more than the people they’re bullying, and that’s really sad.
Author Sue All gone Wong
No. 19 of 50 – Mum tried to marry me off to David Wong from Wong’s Garden. I was horrified ’cause he was a hideous pizza-faced twerp.
Author Sue Freckles
No. 18 of 50 – Smiffy, my brother’s mate, had bright ginger hair and a ton of freckles. I don’t know if the word for freckles exists in Chinese, but Mum used to say Smiffy’s face was covered in ‘woo yin see’, which translated means ‘fly sh*t’. Mum was never one for tact.
Author Sue Harvest Festival
No. 17 of 50 – In an effort to blend in with the other kids at school, I contributed to Harvest Festival. The problem was, everything in our kitchen cupboards was either industrial sized, foreign or both, like the tin of Bamboo Shoots I took in. It wasn’t until I saw it in assembly, displayed next to the other ‘normal’ items, that I realised just how much of a show I’d made of myself.
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2026 Sue Pickford Cheung.